Skip to content

Living with a chronic disease

Menu
  • Home
  • Everyday life
  • Relationships
  • Self-care
  • 10 questions
  • Be in touch
Menu

Accepting the looks of others

Posted on 16 April 202116 April 2021 by Clotilde

“You could leave your seat to me. Are you not ashamed of being seated.” Told me a woman in her sixties on the bus.

“Actually, I’m ill, I can’t stand. “I replied with a semblance of a smile.

My interlocutor sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. As if that would change anything. As if I were lying. As if it was my fault. And when I stood up, she was probably the first to look with incomprehension, astonishment and pity at my uncertain and slowed gait. She wouldn’t be the only one to have judged me, and not to have understood that in fact, yes, I have a chronic disease. And that this is why I can’t stand or walk at times.


From enduring to accepting the looks of others

In the early stages of the disease, the looks of others were unbearable for me. First of all because there were suddenly there, whereas before I was ill, people didn’t look at me. Or not more than that. An ordinary person, with no obvious physical or clothing distinction, does not attract attention. But when I became ill, others started to look at me. With incomprehension, suspicion, curiosity, pity. One of my friends, to whom I had explained that people look at the wheelchair in the street, gently laughed at me until we went sightseeing together for a week and after a few days she realized: “It’s true, you’re right, people do look at us. “

At the beginning of the disease, the looks of others seemed brutal and harsh and kept reminding me that I was different, I was ill. And it hurt. At a time when I had not yet accepted the disease, I could not accept the way others looked at my sick body. And accepting the disease is not enough to accept the way others look at it. These are two different stages in this long and not always easy process. However, accepting the way others looked at me was part of the acceptance of the disease. But I think that comes after I had made peace with the disease itself and decided to go ahead, despite everything, despite it.

Over time, I also realised that the way others looked at me varied, that it was not unique, but that it ranged from pity to doubt, going through curiosity, questioning or compassion. Finally, I also learned not to pay too much attention to the looks that others give me when I am walking uncertainly or when I am in my wheelchair, depending on the moment, not paying too much attention to what others might think. What does it matter in the end? Those who matter know, those who don’t know don’t really matter.


From accepting to taming the looks of others

Accepting the looks of others also meant overcoming the fear that I would be put in a box, that I would be judged even before people really knew me, that people would feel sorry for me, that I would be looked down upon. It was even more difficult when I met new people. I didn’t want them to put me in a category, in a box, from which it would be difficult to get out. Even in the phases when my disease was not or hardly noticeable, I sometimes worried about how to tell others and how they would deal with it if they knew.

One day, as I was getting off the bus, a man asked me how I managed to smile like that, despite my situation. “Because I am happy,” I replied with a big smile. Why should my life be worse than someone else’s because I have a chronic disease and use a wheelchair? Since then, I have always enjoyed smiling from the bottom of my heart at everyone who looks at me, but especially at those who do so with pity.

Of course, you have to accept the looks of others, but only to a certain extent. Even more than accepting them, you have to tame them. You have to make them understand that you are not a category and not a label. That you are not less capable because you have a chronic disease. That your life is not less valuable because of it. That you can be happy despite everything, even if they don’t believe you.


And how did you accept the gaze of others? Was it difficult or rather easy?


Picture by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Blog in other languages

  • Deutsch
  • Français

On social media

About

Hello! My name is Clotilde Aubet. I grew up and still live in Austria, even though I am French. I have had a chronic disease for more than 10 years now. In this blog, I want to share tips and ideas on how to live a fulfilling life with a chronic disease.

For more information, check out this page.

Newsletter

Be in touch

Legal information

  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
© 2023 Living with a chronic disease | Powered by Minimalist Blog WordPress Theme
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
Wir verwenden Cookies auf unserer Website, um Ihnen das relevanteste Erlebnis zu bieten, indem wir uns an Ihre Präferenzen und wiederholten Besuche erinnern. Indem Sie auf "Accept" klicken, erklären Sie sich mit der Verwendung von ALLEN Cookies einverstanden.
Nous utilisons des cookies sur notre site web pour vous offrir une expérience plus pertinente en mémorisant vos préférences et vos visites répétées. En cliquant sur "Accept", vous consentez à l'utilisation de TOUS les cookies.
Cookie settingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.

Diese Website verwendet Cookies, um Ihre Erfahrung zu verbessern, während Sie durch die Website navigieren. Von diesen werden die als notwendig eingestuften Cookies auf Ihrem Browser gespeichert, da sie für das Funktionieren der grundlegenden Funktionen der Website unerlässlich sind. Wir verwenden auch Cookies von Drittanbietern, die uns helfen zu analysieren und zu verstehen, wie Sie diese Website nutzen. Diese Cookies werden nur mit Ihrer Zustimmung in Ihrem Browser gespeichert. Sie haben auch die Möglichkeit, diese Cookies abzulehnen. Das Ablehnen einiger dieser Cookies kann jedoch Ihr Surferlebnis beeinträchtigen.

Ce site web utilise des cookies pour améliorer votre expérience lorsque vous naviguez sur le site. Parmi ceux-ci, les cookies classés comme nécessaires sont stockés sur votre navigateur car ils sont essentiels au fonctionnement des fonctionnalités de base du site web. Nous utilisons également des cookies de tiers qui nous aident à analyser et à comprendre comment vous utilisez ce site web. Ces cookies ne seront stockés dans votre navigateur qu'avec votre consentement. Vous avez également la possibilité de refuser ces cookies. Toutefois, la désactivation de certains de ces cookies peut affecter votre expérience de navigation.
Necessary
Always Enabled
ENG: Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information. // DE: Notwendige Cookies sind für das ordnungsgemäße Funktionieren der Website unbedingt erforderlich. Diese Kategorie umfasst nur Cookies, die grundlegende Funktionalitäten und Sicherheitsmerkmale der Website gewährleisten. Diese Cookies speichern keine persönlichen Informationen. // FR: Les cookies sont absolument nécessaires pour le bon fonctionnement du site web. Cette catégorie ne comprend que les cookies qui assurent les fonctionnalités de base et les fonctions de sécurité du site web. Ces cookies ne stockent aucune information personnelle.
Non-necessary
ENG: Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on the website. // DE: Als nicht notwendige Cookies werden alle Cookies bezeichnet, die für das Funktionieren der Website nicht unbedingt notwendig sind und speziell zur Sammlung von personenbezogenen Daten der Nutzer über Analysen, Anzeigen oder andere eingebettete Inhalte verwendet werden. Es ist zwingend erforderlich, die Zustimmung des Nutzers einzuholen, bevor Sie diese Cookies auf der Website einsetzen. // FR: Les cookies qui ne sont pas particulièrement nécessaires au fonctionnement du site web et qui sont utilisés spécifiquement pour collecter des données personnelles de l\'utilisateur par le biais d\'analyses, de publicités ou d\'autres contenus intégrés sont appelés cookies non nécessaires. Il est obligatoire d\'obtenir le consentement de l\'utilisateur avant de placer ces cookies sur le site web.
SAVE & ACCEPT